Birth announcement

 Welcoming our Pot of gold. 

I am so excited to announce that our baby is here safe and healthy. So everyone meet our third baby, our pot of gold! 

Layton-J Nico Ian. Born at 39 weeks on the 26th August, at 11:58, Via planned Ceasean section.

 He was 6lb 6oz but very tiny, he is in premmy baby/tiny baby clothes. Even though he weigh over a pound more the ariyah did he seems skinnier and shorter, like he a actually newborn fragile baby. She never felt like that's she was long and stocky. While Layton seem small.

I can not believe he is finally here. This pregnancy seems to have been a long wait but at the same time also flown by especially the last few weeks. Overall it's been emotional and rocky with a few little worries but medically very standard pregnancy.

Compare to Nico and Ariyah's pregnancies and births, Which you can read in next post where I will compare mine and Ben's experience as we both got this amazing gift to be able to carry and add to our family. 

Therefore in all the pregnancy and birth has been very smooth. Few minor things it start like sickness, aches and exhaustion yeah it's actually wipe them clean them yeah it's actually wipe them clean them too tired at the beginning. Then having SPD which did make it hard with my back, hips and joints in general. But pain was manageable. Most thing I struggled with which I have spoken about much but will in later post is my mental health, this dipped alot in the pregnancy with different hormones. Being off T, body changes and frustration. Again I will do a more detail post. 

Then there was the main big scare when I had covid and this little baby didn't grow enough between 32-34 weeks gestation however by 36 weeks he had caught up but still small. Then I was have false contra toons at 36-37 weeks where we thought he make an early appearance but he held put until my booked c section date. Which is today. 

Birth story: 

It was an early start where I had to be in the hospital at 7:30am. I had not really slept that night as I was to nervous and excited. I had a pre op appointment two days prior, where they gave me medication to take for acid and anti sickness the night before and morning of surgery. I was also given blood clot prevention socks which I had to arrive in. 

We got up early, got our last bits together and made sure house was all sorted. Ariyah had gone to my mum's the night before so we didn't have to worry about her. We video called her before we left and she was very happy. So off we went to the hospital with all our bags packed. Kindly our neighbor had offer to drive us up and feed the animals while we where in hospital. As everyone else was also messaging us good luck, we so lucky to have lots of support. 

When we got to the hospital the showed us to our room, went over routine questions and observations. We was then give gowns and Ben scrubs to change into for theatre. They talked us through what would happen, I also saw the anaesthetist and surgeon who went through in more detail what would happen, what the risks are tho most of them very rare. I them signed the consent forms, all there was to do was wait. 

Another good thing that morning was that our midwive we had care for us all the way through was able to be there and in theatre with us, she would be the one to hold and pass baby to us and do all his checks which meant alot to us.  

I went down to surgery around 11:15, where I was given a spinal block anaesthetic. This numbs you from chest all the way down to legs. It is the weirdest feeling, horrible to start. As the inject a needle and then fluid morphine into your spinal cord in the lower back. This gave me electric shock feeling and tingling in my legs, mainly my right. Then I felt very dizzy and sick. As they laid me down, you start to feel your legs go numb, they spray and touch you to make sure u can not feel it. 

Antibiotics, IV fluids and pain / anti sickness medicine is all give through a drip, a catheter is also placed in your bowels to empty it as you can't move after surgery for around 12+ hours. 

I did go very dizzy, sick and my blood pressure droped which meant they had to fan me, tilt the table and give me fluids more to stabilise my blood pressure. I literally felt horrible it was not nice but only lasted a few minutes and all very normal. Then the surgeon came in. They put a curtains up so we couldn't see them cutting me open and they began the procedure. 

It was a weird experience as you are awake, even though don't feel any pain, you still feel them slightly touching and lots of pushing and pulling where they are cutting and pulling the layers of skin apart. You then feel pressure and like washy feeling as the drain the blood and the babies waters when broken. This part of very quick and before you know it baby is out. 

However it seemed to take ages, I felt lots of pushing down and pulling that again was not painful but weridly uncomfortable. I got worried as midwives said he nearly here but the disappearance. I felt lots of pushing for what felt like ages waiting to hear that first cry. Finally we heard little squeaks and moans before a hug cry from the baby. 

Panic over the minute I heard him cry I knew he was okay. They cut his cord and gave him a little clean before paying him straight on me for skin to skin. He was prefect and so tiny. It was the most magical beautiful moments of my life. To hold your baby for the first time, all that worry, and dreaded just washes away. He Stayed on my chest, borrowing in while the surgeon, removed the placenta and stitched me back up. 

Then the midwive and Ben took baby over to be weighed and checked over. He screamed the whole time he was not on me or Ben, he just wanted his daddies. Ben got to trim his cord and put his nappy on, then him and baby went round to recovery and I followed after. Ben gave him his first feed them I gave him a bit. We were in recovery for about 20 mins before being taken round to our room. 

When we were in recovery the midwive explain why it took a long time. What had happened was that the babies head was so far down into public area meaning they had to use forceps to pull him back up and out. She said that he was very low and engaged so he would of not been long if I went naturally, however it made it had as so was very tightly tucked in there, he did not want to come out. The forceps tongs unfortunately did leave little red marks and a bruises on the side of his face but that it would heal and fade very soon. It didn't hurt or bother him at all, just very stubborn baby who was comfortable inside me. He apprently gave them not happy little grunts and moans as they pulled him out before he then did a huge scream. 

I was doing well, I felt great in fact. I had minimal blood loss, observation where all good, I was able to eat and drink straight away. Other the. Bit of tiredness I actually felt amazing. Midwives and also family/ friends who we video called said I didn't even seem like I had just had surgery or had a baby. It's true I felt so much better I think just the relief we had him here safe and the pregnancy was over. Now on to our future with our amazing babies, me going back on hormones and just being our complete family was all I could think about. 

Baby was doing amazing to, he was drinking well, pooed and weed and slept great. He was so calm and content. He loved to be cuddled so we did lots of skin to skin. Which helps them regulate their body temp, breathing and just that form that bond. As the day went on I was able to move my legs and was not really in any pain, a bit sore and itchy but that is all. Only other thing is although I was tired I just could not sleep. I tried but only got half hour here and there through the night. I had been awake from 3:30 Thursday morning with hour at midnight and half hour at 4am so far. 

Ben was able to stay which was amazing as meant I was able to rest a little but more so we could just enjoy Layton together. We did facetime Ariyah and she seemed very happy at nannies house. She was excited and giggling saying baby but also going her jealous stroppy face to us. So we will look forward to getting home later and for Ariyah to met him. We will update on how this goes. But yes we are all doing amazing and he is just prefect

On the plus side the next morning at 6am, despite no more sleep, they took my catheter out so I was able to start getting up, to wee. I had to wee three times and have some observations before I was allowed home. As well as been seen by a doctor. All of which I did and was all good. I was hardly taking any pain relief, other then being so tired because I couldn't sleep in a noisy hospital, I felt great. Ready to get home.

Layton also had a hearing check, which is pasted very well. Then the baby doctors had to assess him. They asked general questions about his feeding, sleeping, nappies or if we had any concerns. But he was doing really well. He was feeding good, having 2oz (30ml) of milk every 2/3 hours. He was sleeping and had lots of dirty and wet nappies.  They did some other checks like making sure he his limbs were all normal, that his hips and spine where straight. Also his reflex's where active. They looked in his eyes and month too. All his checks come back complete and perfect. Said he was a very strong and healthy baby. This was very reassuring and great to hear. 

Finally at 3:30 pm both me and baby were all checked and cleared to go home yay. We couldn't wait to get home and see Ariyah. Her And Layton are our special miracle's sent from our first son Nico as he watches over us all. It is three years today that would be his 3rd birthday. So I know Layton has a bit of his spirit as does Ariyah. He will live through them and us all, guiding us and keeping us all safe. I am so in love with our unique family. So watch out for follow up posts for how his first few weeks at home go, meting his sister and pets. 

Photos : 

Difference in pregnancies/birth

Ben's pregnancies Vs mine. 

It is crazy how pregnancy effects people so differently, from symptom to moods, and the care from antenatal services. 

Ben's pregnancies and mine could not be more different. I will talk though how and why in this post.

Firstly from the beginning, during the two week wait Ben got no signs that he was pregnant at all with eirther one. With Nico he got a bit snappy at friends then nothing with ariyah. If we had not had to track and use a donor I do not even think we would have know until he missed a period. But as we did we oviously took tests and found out before that point. Where as with me this time I knew straight away. From a couple days after the donation, I just had this feeling. I felt dizzy, motion sickness, I could stand the smell of beef. I vomited, I had cramps and mood swings. So we just knew I was. One thing that was similar, was in our early pregnancies I had dreams, when Ben was pregnant that the test would be positive and the same with myself. Also the cats where a bit more affectionate. 

First trimester 

Next was that dread first trimester, again very different Ben was sick a lot!! I mean a lot he could not even keep water down. Anything he ate he vomited. He never really felt sick it just came out of nowhere. This did last most of the pregnancy with Ariyah. He had to take anti sickness tablets and have patches to be able to keep food and fluids down, because it made him so ill. Other then sickness and a bit of tiredness, plus heart burn towards the end, he got no other symptoms. With Nico he was very ill which we know now was a really bad injections which lead us to lossing him. 

I was the opposite I was dizzy and bloated, I had lots of cramps and pulling pains. I got intergestion, headache every symptoms going haha. But I was not really sick, like vomiting. I felt sick all the time where I did not want to eat and I would dry heave. However was only actually sick on a few occasions. This stopped around 10 weeks came back here and there but has not seemed to stop. 

Second trimester, 

By this point Ben was on bed rest, he been in and out of hospital having cervix measurements, bleeding and scares. He had to have surgery to have a stitch put in this cervix to keep it closed so he did he not loss ariyah like we lost Nico. He didn't have again much cramps, the odd pulls and chest pains, he was tired but slept all the time on bed rest. 

With me, I seem to have hit that energy, productive feeling great stage. I did had bad headach for about a week at 14 weeks in. But that now gone. The other this i do get lots of pulls and stretching. As well as being very out of breath and tired of I do alot. But seems to be feeling much better and can do more. The one main thing that is starting to get bad is my back and hips with my previous injuries I am at risk of getting SPD which I will do a separate post about. But yes sleeping and getting up is painful. So lots of rest hot baths but not sitting to long in the same position is helping for now. 

Third trimester. 

Again couldn't be anymore different, Ben was still on bed rest and slept most of his pregnancy. Were as I was able to do alot more, in the beginning of the third trimester I got lots of energy, was cleaning the house nesting as they say. Could start playing with Ariyah more and we were walking a lot keeping busy. I looked after Ariyah while Ben worked however as it went on the harder and more tired I got. 

One similarity was the sickness, Ben was sick all the way through pretty much, both had a few weeks in second trimester however both our sickness came back in the third. Ben was more actually sick then me, where I constantly felt sick like the beginning of pregnancy, however this time I was actually vomiting now too and had to go one anti sickness like Ben had. We Also both suffered from heart burn and intergestion badly. Apprently this meant baby had lots of dark hair, which was true for Ariyah when she was born. Thus we will see if this little one has lots of hair at birth. 

One big difference other then Ben being on bed rest was that his placenta was at the front. Therefore he did not often feel Ariyahs movements, which lead to us being at the hospital a lot. Then getting put on the monitor, but everything was always fine. 

Where as with my pregnancy I felt the baby move all the time, especially now in the third trimester. I felt big pushes from all directions. I was put on monitors but that was when I was ill and not for his movements but both our heart rate and another time due to tummy tightings very early one. 

This is actually another similarity that both of us had strong Braxton Hicks from end of second trimester into third. Both me and Ben were both at the hospital and kept in over night due to having what looked like contractions, Ben was 28 weeks I was 36 weeks. But I had been getting lots of tightings, hardness and strong Braxton Hicks earlier then this and had to be put on monitors. But as I had no pain always got sent home. 

Oviously Ben had Ariyah at 35 weeks so from after that we can not compare our pregnancies. However with me I got alot of pressure  pushing down into cervix around 35/36 weeks. Braxton Hicks ever very regular, along with cramping, back pain and tightness. Which I believe I was in very early labour from 37ish weeks. 

I also had SPD which is Symphysis pubis dysfunction. (Post a link below for information) This meant it became increasingly hard to move around, sleep or walk much because I was in pain with my hips and back. I couldn't get comfortable at night, so was also tired as I did not sleep much toward the end. If it weren't pain it was dreams or baby kicking me that kept me up.

https://www.healthline.com/health/symphisis-pubis-dysfunction#symptoms

Fetal Movements:

We have very different experiences with fetal Movements. Couldn't be more opposite. This is because Ben had an anterior placenta meaning it was at the front, whilst mine is high and at the back. 

This restricted Ben from feeling any of Ariyah's movements. It acted as a cushion so she push against that instead of him. He only felt light kicks and more so at the side. We were always up the hospital on the monitor because he wouldn't feel her for days. She also like to tuck herself cuddled into the placenta which meant he felt her less as well. He didn't actually feel any definitely fetal Movements til over 24 weeks, whilst I didn't really feel her often and it was not til the third trimester. 

Where as I have felt fetal Movements from as early as 13 weeks. This is uncommon for a first pregnancy but the further I go and more movements I felt it was definitely the baby. Even Ben could feel from the outside at 14/15 weeks it was crazy. Then by 18 weeks I felt movements everyday, I had a pattern to as baby would move at certain times in the day. Normally around 3-4 in the afternoon. It got more often and much stronger. To the point that by 22 weeks I have visible movement from the outside. We manage to capture it on camera to, as baby wiggled and kicked you could see my bump moving, my skin pushed out and waved as baby moved. It was very unsure and surreal to know that was a little human inside me. I've had knees, head other limbs I'm sure dig and poke out. 

Similarities with our movements are that both our rainbow and pit of gold seem to react to music. As soon as we played music ariyah would move around. We had to do this alot in scan because she always sit in difficult position. Now I am noticing this little one is the same as their big sister, dancing inside to the music. Ariyah never stopped dancing even now she loves her music and got a good rhyme.

 Our pot of gold also love the hot bath, whenever I have a bath straight away baby is wiggling and kicking, if bath goes abit cold, movements slow then when I top it up warm again baby begins to wiggle. It is very funny to watch my skin move about when baby moves. Ben however was not allowed baths due to the stitch so not something we could see is ariyah would have been the same. She loves water now so she probably would have enjoyed the bath then too. 

Birth 

The similarities where that we had both oppted for a planned elective Ceasean section. This was due to dyphoria giving birth naturally with being trans as well as other individual reasons. Even tho Ben was going to have a C- section with Nico as he was born prematurely at 16 weeks it meant that Ben did actually give birth naturally to him. Although he was tiny and born sleeping it still was uncomfortable and slightly painful which he knew he definitely didn't want to do with a form term baby. 

Therefore when he was pregnant with Ariyah his reasons were the dyphoria, being trans as well as the trauma of naturally giving birth after losing Nico. He also the. Ended up having the stitch in which meant there was more reason to do the C section to remove the stitch at the same time. Please go read our blog about the cerlarge stitch and why he had this in over on our other blog (https://transdadtoourrainbow.blogspot.com/2020/08/types-of-cervix-stitches.html?m=1&zx=9c52f381f95e715f ) 

When I come to me carrying my reasons for a C-section again was dyphoria, being transgender. The trauma watching Ben give birth, losing Nico then Ben lossing alot of blood and having to be rushed to theatre. I also had other medical reasons. I was so small that their were risks for me giving birth naturally being that my hips could dislocate, especially with my bad hip and back from previous injury. I would likely tear down there mean long recovery. So again I opted for planned C-section 

Both was granted and booked for 39 weeks. Here the difference Ben's then became an emergency when his waters broke with Ariyah at 35 weeks. She was not waiting. However as he already had it planned, and due to the stitch he weren't going to have her naturally. Ben had eaten and was not having strong contractions was we had to wait 6 hours later before he could have her. But this meant there was no real emergency rush and they were able to do the surgery slowly, with no real rush which meant it was safer and all went to plan. He recovered well and Ariyah despite being 5 weeks premmy did really well. 

Mine was booked for 39 weeks exactly which is when I had mine, our little boy held out until It was actually planned unlike Ariyah. So again C-section was done with no rush and slowly which again is safer. All went really well. Baby did get stuck a bit and had to be pulled out. But he was all done too. 

Another difference between Ariyah and Layton despite the same method of birth  was the after care. Because she was premmy and Ben had suspected gestational diabetes they wer monitored more closely. They had observation like blood pressure, temperature, heart rate taken as well as blood tests for sugar levels and infection markers. 

Ariyah had to have her blood sugar take after every couple of feeds to just kept an eye on her blood sugar bit always came back fine. We had to stay in for 72 hours with her. She also had jaundice which meant she had to have regular milk feeds, as well as be double checked by pediatricians, before being discharged. She also was checked for her jaundice levels and weighted by a community midwive coming to the house as well as in a&e at 4 days old. Luckly her jaundice was mild and able to flush it with regular feeds meaning she did not need a light treatment. 

With me and Layton, we stayed in hospital the first night but did not need much observation, they did mine twice and only did Layton's after birth as he was fine. I was just given regular pain medication during the time there. Then the next morning they removed catheter, had to be able to get up and wal then do three wee's before I was able to go home. I was seen by a doctor and Layton by the pediatricians before being discharged. 

Antenatal care

Medical care, appointment, scans and general care during our pregnancy could not of been more opposite. 

Nico we only had one appointment and a scan before we lost him but the care we got after his death, was amazing from the hospital staff and midwives beverment care. 

Ben's care:

Ben was very high risk, which meant he had lots of check ups and scan from very early one. I think from about 5 weeks we had a scan pretty much every week up until 12 weeks maybe missing one or two in between we had 5,7,8,9,10 & 12 weeks. Then from 12- 15 weeks he had his cervix measured every week which meant we also got to see baby. At 16 weeks he had the stitch put in and scan to ensure ariyah was all fine and that the procedure went according to plan. After that he was one hospital bed rest for few weeks then on bed rest at home. He still had appointment and scans very two weeks. We also have private scans for gender and 4D one in-between. He care was provided by a top midwive and two consultant so he was looked after and got things like urine, swabs and scan whenever we were worried. 

As you will know reading previous blogs the more in-depth details of scared and complications we went through with ariyah. And that she was born at 35 weeks from emergency c section. But was fine and health. If not go back a read through our rainbow blog and how she came into the world. 

But yes Ben's care was very high risk, lots of hospital admissions, scans and extra precautions put in place. It was amazing care and they were so understanding about our anxious with lossing Nico and care for us in terms of our transitions amazingly we can't thank them enough for doing all they did to ensure ariyah was here safe. 

My care:

Well as it was my first pregnancy I was seen as normal at 8 weeks. I did have a few trips to epu and had two early scans. But not so often like with Ben. Everything was fine and doing well. I had a few trips to triage due to urine infections and then dizziness/migraines but it was nothing serious.  

Most of my care and appointment were routinely every 4 weeks and at our home.

I had gone up to day unit a few times for urine infects, dizziness and ones for irregular movements. But nothing compared to how often Ben was in or submitted to stay on the ward. 

So far in term of my transition I have had no issue at all. I have one midwive throughout as she was so accepting, she didn't make a huge deal about it, refers to me and Ben both as dad's. Especially as she comes to our home which is our safe space. With Ariyah running around it's nice she can see we are both her dad's just the same with this little one I'm carrying. She uses my correct male pronouns, changed her wording to be more inclusive like young pregnant person or people rather then women. I could not ask for better care to just accept us as male, dad's and not have to also make a big deal that it's any different. 

Only time is when I have had to phone the day unit or gone in to be check if something happened, I would get called sweetheart, darling all those words generally associated to females, however ones I explained or they saw male on my notes they did stop and used my correct pronouns or name. I had no real negative interactions. 

Other difference in our general care is that I did not get nowhere near as many scans as Ben did with ariyah. He had one every other or some every week. Where I had 2 early EPU ones 6 &8 weeks then 12,20,22, 28, 34,36. As well as private one at 16 and 31 weeks. 

Ben had scans at 5,7,9/10,12,13,14,15,16,18 (private),24,28,30 (private)32,34 weeks then she was born at 35

But overall we had great care both of us and did not face much discrimination. If we did it was out of not knowing, subconsciously using female pronouns due to it being so socially imbedded but they did change when we explained, apologized and were respectful. That's all we could ask for. With both of us having very good support and care both with professional and our loved ones that we luckly didn't experience much discrimination due to being pregnant men. We are lucky as I know other other trans or non binary birth parents who have had a hard time. 

Dyphoria and mental health 

Me and Ben again we're very lucky to have lots of support as well as each other, meaning that we knew what to expect in terms of body changing coming off hormones as well as then getting pregnant. With how mentally and physically challenging that would be as a trans male carrying a baby. We had support from the trans community with close friends who had gone down similar routine to have babies. As well as family who did support us. But friends were definitely our main support network. Then we had the support medically from a gender specialist who checked our bloods, and also how we felt mentally with the progression within the pregnancy. 

However despite all this support of course it was hard then expected. We knew we get mis-gendered, we knew that our bodies would change and what the side effects of going off testestrone would be. Then the changes and symptoms of pregnancy but I don't think we were prepared for how hard it would be mentally with feeling ourselves. 

Also with having lost Nico die to premature birth at 17 weeks, Ben having to give birth then being very unwell himself. The trauma that loss brings as well as the anxiety when having another pregnancy after that loss was hard. I don't think we realised truly how worried and anxious each other was as we were staying strong for each other too. But it was challenging with Ariyah birth being high risk constantly on edge with Ben carrying again, worried if it would happen again. But also even tho I had not physically had a loss in pregnancy it was still mentally hard when I then carried. 

As Ben had specialist care, lots of check ups and scans it almost made it easier to be reassured that Ariyah was okay. Then her being premmy of course brought back that worry but she was health and here and safe. 

I however did not have as regular or specialist care, we were in a new hospital due to moving out of London, meaning they weren't aware of our history being trans and losing our son. I did explain, which luckly I had an amazing midwive who understood. But because it was my first pregnancy and medical I was no high risk we had standard routine scans and appointment. 

Preparing sibling for new baby

 How Ariyah been with the pregnancy. 

Ariyah was only 14 months when we feel pregnant, thus we were not sure she would understand at such a young age. However she would be 22 months by the time the baby was born. So almost 2 which gave us time to prepare her. 

It is important to think about how a new baby and even the pregnancy can effect an older sibling, as it's their whole world changing to. They have been the centre of your world, getting full attention and time for their whole life. They do not know any difference. Yes the may have family members or other children around that they had to learn to share with, that being toys, food or the adults attention however that is only temporary. A new baby needs alot of attention and is constant. We believed that by preparing her, involving her and just talking to her about the whole pregnancy would help give her time to understand and process this change. 

At the beginning of the pregnancy I was very tired and sick, she was still young so was not to much of an issue as she still had other daddy playing with her. As she got older and pregnancy progressed we would talk to her about how I did not feel well or was tired because the baby in my belly need to grow strong and was making me tired. But I still ensured I made lots of time for her when I did feel okay. 

About 4 months in so 17/18 weeks maybe. Ben starting working part time, this was hard as those days I felt rough I struggled to play and give ariyah the attention she needed. I felt awful as sometimes I just had to let her watch TV or films. In some cases it was nice to cuddle and watch a film but other days I felt very bad when she wanted to play.

I think by this time she also started to notice the change in me, I started to get a bump and again the whole time we explain and talk to her about the baby growing in me. She was very cute and seemed to understand a bit. As she come over to me, lift my top and place her hands on my tummy. She would say baby, even giving my bump a kiss sometimes. She knew something, although people would say oh she young she won't understand, we believe she truly did. 

Furthermore as the midwive came to our house for all my appointments it meant we were able to get ariyah even more involved. She would watch as the midwive did my blood pressure and we would reassure her that, I was all healthy and so was baby. The midwive would do the Doppler to listen to babies heartbeat which Ariyah loved. She would say boom boom and help the midwive hold the Doppler to find the baby. It was so cute. 

Again as pregnancy progress we carried on involving her and talking to her. We would take her in baby's room as we sorted it out, letting her help and explaining, that it was the new babies room where they will sleep ect.... 

We also involved her in the little sex reveal we had by getting her to decorate a box for the ballons, then letting her open the box to reveal the coloured balloons. Then at the baby shower we made sure her little baby group friends were there, she helped decorate the garden. We had her toys and messy play out for the kids and it was very much about her as it was about us and the baby. It was so lovely too that our friends and family brought her presents as well as the baby and really involved her in it. 

The main one was our private scan, as we were able to bring her in to see the 4D scan it was magical. She looked and pointed between my belly and the screen say baby over and over, like she was working it out that the baby in my belly was on the screen. It was very precious moment. It was so cute as the NHS hospital ones she was not allowed to come to due to covid. We would also show her scan photos and let her feel my belly when baby moved so she felt involved. Telling her the baby's name which we had picked out ages ago so that she again could practice saying it and feel she had that bond. 

My pregnancy did get harder as I was exhausted all the time, out of breath and just it was hard moving around. I had SPD which is symphysis pubis dysfunction. This is where during pregnancy the pelvis cause stiffness, and pain. (See link in reference for more information). This made it hard for me to lift Ariyah as well as sit and play on the floor with her. The older she got the more vocal she became it was heartbreaking, because she say dada sit and play and I couldn't most days. I tried where I could and we would bring her table over to play on so I could sit on the sofa and still have that interaction and bind with Ariyah. But she did not completely understand that I could not sit and play on the floor. Then as Ben had to do most of this she would get upset asking for me, or other times became very attached of Ben. She just wanted him all the time, if he left the room or was busy she scream and cry. She was jealous and protective other him so we did try and break the separation anxiety when Ben was busy to reasurre her daddy was busy but she could play and he be back or that I could read to her or play on the sofa. 

Some days where better then others and she understand, she was dada tired or sick, she would pull and help me up from the sofa or bring toys to me and play. Other days we had tears and meltdowns especially as the pregnancy progressed and I got bigger, less able to do things. But overall she been very good. 

Ariyah is also very independent which made it alot easier, like she can climb up and down the stairs herself, She uses steps to reach the sink or get in and out the bath. She also can get on and off her dinning chair and move around general very independently even from the beginning of my pregnancy. She was also in a toddler bed so I was able to still help put her to sleep by sitting next to her bed and cuddling her, rather then holding her. She helped dress herself, as well as got in and out pram herself. This minimised me having to lift her, which really helped. Moreso towards the end as she got more clever and I got bigger. 

Towards the end she did start to play up, push boundaries and have trantrums. I think we got the terrible two's early. Meanwhile this was good so we could put things in place to help her frustration and support her in understanding her emotional and behaviours before the baby arrives. She has seemed to calm down and while yes we still have toddler trantrums, throwing, climbing and getting things she knows she shouldn't or throwing herself on floor screaming and kicking if we say no/ she does not get her own way. But this is all normal part of growing up and learning write from wrong, knowing the boundaries and expressing themselves. Which is nothing that going to stop straight away we just can ride it out and help find ways to manage it.

Furthermore we believe a lot of it especially the last few weeks if because she senses the change. We been talking more about the baby, as well as her being a big sister. We also have been very busy sorting and cleaning the whole house so again ariyah has not had as much attention as we would normally be able to give her. We changed her and our rooms around as well as downstairs to make more room, which I think throw her off alittle. As the last week approaches we have been putting the babies toys, Moses basket and swing downstairs, as well as getting the crib in our room all set up. She points to them saying, for baby to sleep. Or aww babies. Showing us that she knows what is coming. She also recently been saying I'm baby and cuddling us. So we have made sure we have been giving her lots of attention, love and reassuring her she is and always will be our baby. That no matter how big and clever she is our baby to and we love her. Feeling her how proud we are of her when she helping around the house and how she is a big girl who so clever. This is all just to reasurre her and help her understand that although we may not be giving her attention or if we busy as well as when baby comes that we still her and that she is still loved just as much. 

We believe this is so important to not only talk about the new baby and prepare an older child but to also give them the attention, time and love they need to feel secure emotionally too. To not only prepare them physically for what's to come, the change but that is it okay and that they are just as important and loved. This has definitely been a hug thing we have done other last few weeks as she really sense Change and struggles. We have made sure she has a stable routine that we are able to then fit the new baby into so that Ariyahs routine does not change to much, enable her to feel safe and know what to expect. 

We have planned meals, activities and a routine for when baby arrives. Also making sure she here when we bring baby home and that we don't have visitors straight away in order to ensure ariyah is settled as well, to give her time to adapt. To have that 1:1 time with us as well as bond and ensure she has time to herself and with the baby. It's important she feels heard and wanted as well as understanding that the baby will need a lot of care and that I will need time to rest.without everyone bombarding in, giving the baby attention and she get ignored and feels left out. 

Overall I truly know that Ariyah understand that I have a baby in my belly, that their will be a change and another little human to share her world with. That daddies will have to be busy sometimes but will still love and play with her. I feel she understands so much more then we realise and underestimate children's understanding of the world and change that happens around them. However also that she does understand so much because we have ensure that we are including her in the journey. Giving her the skills to adapt and manage these huge feelings she also is experiencing, with this huge life changing thing. We reasurre and prepared her, which is all we can do as parents for our little humans. I will update of course how she copes and manages once the baby is physically here. So watch out for another Update on other sibling reacting to a new baby. 

(Written at 38 weeks). 

Reference:

https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/pregnancy-complications/pelvic-pain-pregnancy

https://www.pampers.co.uk/pregnancy/pregnancy-symptoms/article/symphysis-pubis-dysfunction

False labor.

 Scares I was in labour. 

I had a moment in hospital where I thought and so did the doctors that I was in fact in labor. I was only 36 weeks +3 days, having contractions. 

I had been feeling lots of pushing and pressure downwards. I was told at a recent scan that baby was very low and engaged, this meant head down in cervix and in the position they get in when they are ready to be born. Only thing is baby was back to back. This is where their spine is against my spine instead of my tummy. This can cause complications in a natural birth however as I had a planned c scetion it was not a concern for me. It just meant all baby's limbs were at the front so I felt lots of movements, kick and pushes. These were starting to become very uncomfortable and sometimes painful. I also had alot of back pains and pressure in hips because of the baby's position. 

Along with the pulling I was getting down below in my public groin area, I was feeling general like something was going to happen. My bump had dropped, I felt sick, getting stitchs, going toilet more, having more discharge. These all happened then I started feeling stronger Braxton hick although this time with mild cramps and back pain. At first was on and off however started to get more regular and uncomfortable, the pain was mild but enough to think they were not just Braxton Hicks. 

I started timing and were minutes like 10/5 mins apart so I went in to be checked anyways. When I got to the hospital they put me straight on the monitor, this measures contractions as well as babies movements and heart rate. I was feeling him alot in-between the tightings still so I knew baby was okay. The monitor did show contraction activity but again far apart and not regular enough to be in active labor. I also was not in much pain.  I was told it could be early labor signs, but sent home and told to come back if they got stronger or closer together, or if my waters broke.

Later that night the pains got stronger and the contraction were now minutes apart. We had packed an emergency bag for Ariyah and had my mum on standby. Our friend came over to sit with Ben while I went back up the hospital to be put back on the monitor. It was about 9pm, Ariyah was asleep so our friend would stay incase Ben had to come up the hospital. This time the monitor showed strong and regular contractions. The doctor told me I was in labor and would possibly have to do c section early. So I called ben, he came up the hospital with our bags all ready thinking we were going to have the baby now.

She then had to check if I was dilating, this is where the cervix opens to allow the baby to push through and to be born. The doctors said she was going to take swabs for infection and a pre labor test. This test indicate weather your water have broken or are at risk of breaking in the next 72 hours. If positive then I was in labor, if negative I just continue to monitor it and wait for things to progress or water to break basically.

However as I was under 37 weeks meaning they would try slow it until I got to then. It just depends what the test come back as. When checking me, my cervix was closed, and swab was negative however because of my contractions and me being pre term they kept me in overnight to see how things went. Ben unfortunately had to go back home. 

I stayed the night in the labour ward, but by the next morning the contractions and pain had eased. I was still having some tightness and contacting however was not painful, or regular like the previous night. This meant I could go home and rest. I had to just watch and see. If they got strong again, waters broke or feel baby moving less I was told to come back but that it was a false alarm which can happen. 

In the week things did ease and I felt better again. Still get random Braxton Hicks, heartburn, sickness and pressure down below. But everything settled and we got to finished all the last bits we need to. 

(Written at 37 weeks)

Follow up growth scan

 36 weeks growth scan. 

Had my scan this morning at 36 weeks +2 days, it was to check his growth as last time baby had only grown 9oz in three weeks rather then one week. So was measuring two weeks behind at 4lb 4oz. So today determine the rest of my pregnancy care and if baby needed to be born early. We waited nervously for two weeks for this scan. 

It started stressful because as friend was coming to care for ariyah so we could both go to the scan. However about 15 mins before they were meant to be here and we had to leave they tell me buses been cancelled and wasn't repling. This did stress me out as was already worried. But I know their was nothing our friend could do. We messaged around and lucky another friend the mum of ariyah little friend who live round the corner said she have her. This friend had helped us alot while we were sorting the house out and had Ariyah round for play date a few time the last two weeks so ariyah knee her house well. We quickly were able to drop her round on our way to the hospital. 

In the scan - baby was wiggling around making it hard for the sonographer to measure. I could also feel the movements and see them on the screen which was lovely. But yes the sonographer was able to measure the baby and whilst it still showed our pot of gold was small measuring two weeks behind still, however it showed that the baby had grown and was doing well. They estimate the baby to now be 5lb 6oz. So over a pound growth in two weeks which is what it should be. Therefore everything was fine il just have a small baby. 

This meant that baby was staying in for now, until my planned c section in three weeks time. Giving baby time to grow more and us time to rest and spend time with ariyah before the new arrival. As everything is packed, cleaned and house is sort. Just do bulk shopping and last quick clean before he comes. 

Hospital bags

 Packing for birth. 

Everyone bag will be different depending on several things, what type of birth you are having whether it is a water birth, home birth, natural labor or C- section. So well as how many babies, who is with you and your own identity. 

However their will be standard essentials that everyone should have in both babies and your own bag. I will go through these essential then talk about what we have packed and how that's may be different slightly due to being male and giving birth. 

Essential for baby.

1. Nappies are definitely needed a whole pack because babies get through alot in the first 24-48 hours. 
2. Cotton pads or sensitive wipes whatever you choose. But babies would be wiped down with just water and cotton wool the first few days/weeks.
3. Milk: whether is is pre made bottles or formula with your own bottles. Even if you are breast feeding have that back up if you milk doesn't come in straight away. Some hospitals will provide emergency ones. 
4.  Hat, mittons and socks: babies loss alot of there heat from the head hands and feet so it is important that while hospitals can be warm, these items help babies regulate their temperatures. 
5. Blankets, again to keep baby tucked up nice and warm. Babies need lots of skin to skin when born so blankets are good to lay over them while they are on you. 
6. Clothes. At least a vest and sleepsuit as well as a warm going home outfit especially those babies born in the winter. Then may need a coat, thick blanket or thicker sleepsuit for that journey home.

For yourself and birthing partner

1. Comfortable baggy clothes this could be anything you feel best in, baggy tops and nighty, shorts, dressing gown. 
2. Matnerity pads for postnatal bleeding again same hospital do provide these.
3. Wipes to clean yourself and a wash bag with what you deem essential, tooth brush, paste, hair brush, flannel, spray,  make up, whatever make you feel fresh.
4. Photo and charger or camera to take photos. 
5. Going home clothes 
6. Clothes and wash bag for birth partner. 
7. Snacks for both you and birthing partner. 
8. Money for emergency. 

If you have a chest and are feeding you may also need breast pads. With a nursing top or open front top. Open front clothing is also good for that skin to skin bonding. 

There are lots of other stuff some people take and if you google I'm sure you will find an array of different items listed but it is down to the individual person and what they need. 

I will note down what we have in both babies and our bags. Then a little emergency bag for Ariyah. 

For our babies bags. 

We have two bag A: is the emergency quickly grab and goes with us if we going away for any time that is far from home. This includes: 

A pack that will come into theatre for our c section and recovery. Which has two tiny nappies, cotton pads, mittons, a hat and socks. Then a blanket for baby to first wear. Is this important to keep baby warm when they are first born as hands, feet and head is where most of the earth is lost from. Most hospitals will have a blanket but we want to be prepared. 

Also a pre made bottle of milk and muslin sqaure for that first feed. If your breast feeding this would not be needed and again some hospital give you milk like they did with Ariyah as she was an emergency.

Then also in the bag is a whole pack of 22 newborn nappies, nappy bags, fold up changing mat, sudo cream travel size and sensitive wipes and hand sanitizer. 

We have babies first outfit which is a personlised pot of gold vest with some rainbow trousers which was ariyah's first trouser she wore when born. 

We have two muslin squares and a bib, for those first feeds. Then another two vest one long and one short and two sleepsuits. We also have a personlised snuggler we brough for our baby for comfort. 

In the babies other bag B: are more clothes and bits if we needed to stay longer then that first night. This bag includes. 

A thicker blanket, a larger thin muslin blanket. 3 smaller Muslins and a wash cloth. 4 bibs, 2 pairs of socks, 2 mittons, two hats, 1 pair of baby knitted boots. 

Then in packs as a outfit we have. 2 X tiny baby which is a short sleeve, long sleeve and sleepsuit together. Then spare sleepsuit on its own. 1 newborn vest and sleepsuit pack. Then a spare outfit which is long sleeve vest and trousers. 

 We have packed 0-3 set again a short and long sleeve vest and sleepsuit. This is incase baby is for some reason bigger which I doubt it with me however we have to be prepared. Also having a long and short sleeve opinion as you never know what the weather like or how hot and cold the hospitals are. We found it the day they are hot but gets cold at night. 

Then we have their going home outfit. Which is personlised one, with the initial of their name we already have but are not announcing yet. 

Also in the bag is a little rattle soft toy mainly if ariyah come to hospital she can interact with he sibling with it. As well as the baby can cuddle it. We will also bring Nico teddy with us that we had in hospital with Ariyah as it comes everywhere because it has his heartbeat inside.

We also take a whole box of pre made formula bottles for the first feeds. Then a few bottles we can sterilize if needed. We use mam bottles as they worked well and only ones Ariyah would take to. They good for reflux and can be self sterilised in the microwave.  

Also the car seat will be in persons car who we have arranged to collect us or ready at our house so someone can grab it easily. 

Tips: we used sandwich bags to keep outfits folded and clean all together so it was easy to grab one out and have very thing for baby instead of ramaging through bags while trying to change them in hospital. 

In mine and Ben's suitcase is: 

Specifically for me- 

• My notes
• Pillow 
• Maternity disposal pants and a pack of pads for postal bleeding. 
• Open front jacket or top for skin to skin.
• Shorts.
• Baggy tops and pj baggy trousers.
• Baby wipes to give myself a clean. 
• Note pad to keep any notes of baby feeds, sleep or worries I have/ questions for midwives.  

Us both:

• Wash bag, which includes travel size tooth pasta and brushes, body spray, shower gel, comb, and flannel. 
• Sliders/slipper shoes
• Boxers and sock for a few days 
• Pj bottoms and baggy comfortable tops
• Jogging bottoms
• Going home comfortable clothes and trainers.
• Phone chargers, money, snacks and water bottles. Something sugery and energising juice drink. 
• Some pot Noddles and cereal bars for ben. As they feed person who gave birth but not birthing partners. 

So as you can see there are essentials but also difference of us being men and pregnant that we may or may not need iteams that other people who are non binary or female that give birth may take. Also because I have had top surgery I therefore can not chest feed while others trans men might want to or those still have breast will need nursing pads and tops. Then others may want to take make up or other hygiene essentials. 

Also because I'm having planned C section which means possible staying in at least one if not more nights if baby has to come early I will need to take more clothes for our selves and baby that others may not pack. Or some people may have extra bags packed at home or in a car if they have someone who can get them if they need them. We don't have this opinion.

I also have OCD and Ben having  a loss and early birth with Ariyah we like to be extra prepared. As luckly with her we did have a bag packed and stuff ready early which we were able to get his aunt to bring up to the hospital when she was born. 

If you have any questions or other tips or thing you found helpful for a birth please comment or message, let us know I would love to hear your birth stories and what you took that you used or found you didn't actually need. 

Edit: we did have to add premmy baby stuff to baby hospital bag to scans showing that baby was growing slowly and was still very small. As well as a possibility that our pot of gold could come early due to slow growth. I have explain this in a previous and follow up post with my next scan tomorrow.

(Written at 36 weeks) 

Baby shower

 Pot of gold baby shower. 

We did a baby shower for Ariyah so only fair we had one for this baby too. We wasn't sure we were even able to with covid and the restrictions that have been in place for over s year. So it was nice to be able to plan and get people together to celebrate. Especially after not seeing many people due to lockdown and definitely not having a party.

Firstly we planned for two groups so that numbers were still low and we kept to the rules. Plus with it being the end of July we did it in the garden so this also meant it limited amount of people inside the house. However as restrictions eased and lockdown ended there was no on limit on amount of people for gathering. We did have some people who unfortunately could not make it. Whilst this was a shame it meant we were able to just do one slot where everyone could all come together. 

We had my family, as well as Ben's cousin and the kids. Then close friends both whom we knew for years as well as me some we met from baby groups when we moved to Ashford. So ariyah had all her friends and cousin there to. Which so so lovely for her to be just as much as invoked as us. As it's her day too becoming a big sister. 

On the day luckly the weather held off and was actually a really nice day to be in the garden. We borrowed a gazebo and had got lots of decorations in the theme of moon and stars, with gold, silver and blue which was baby nursery theme. We had food and some games to play as well as messy sensory play for the kids. 

The day turnt out lovely everyone who came to celebrate with us, kids got very messy with jelly bath washing babies. And then silly foam, water beads and some spoons, bowls and baby bottles to play with. We had adult games like ABC baby items, prediction cards and finding paper clips in rice. Along with food that all got eaten. 

We had made some cupcakes then got a big cake made by a local company inquire cake creations. The cake was beautiful and so detailed so I highly recommend them. She made the cake gluten and dairy free. 

We also made sure we included Ariyah again and got her to cut the cake with us. She was so sweet making everyone clap at the end and cheering. Which we have a video I will attach with photos below. My brother's girlfriend also made little sweet favours for the guest too which was lovely. 

Over all it was a great day and so glad to be able to get everyone together and celebrate this little lockdown miracle baby. After it finished our friends help us clean up which was lovely, then later me and Ben went through all the cards and gifts people got us for baby. Which was all essentials we needed. We really appreciate the help towards things as well as those that also got ariyah a present to make her feel special and included to. She got book and big sister top off my brother and his girlfriend, a LGBT book from her very gay uncle Lukas as well as more clothes and bits from friends. So thank you everyone. 

(Written at 35+3) 

Photo's 

Worries about growth

 Measuring behind on growth scan. 

As you know from my previous post I got covid at 32 weeks pregnant and was very unwell. They said baby shouldn't be effected however their is not alot known still about covid let alone the effects on pregnancy and baby. 

Now I am fully recovered and feeling so much better I realise how ill I actually was. 

Then at 34 weeks after we were all clear and out of isolation the midwive came to do her usual checks and appointment. Especially with me having covid she just wanted to make sure me and baby were okay. All my blood pressure and urine all fine as always. Heard babies heart and them wiggling around in there. However when the midwive measure my bump size which shows the rate of growth. It had not really process, which me and Ben noticed too. Since being ill my bump has not grown and I feel I lost weight. 

So because the measurements only came up at 30cm when they should be same cm as the amount of weeks I am, give or take 2cm so between 32-36. Where as at 28 weeks I measured 29.  So 1 cm increase in over 5 weeks was a little worrying. Therefore she booked me an emergency scan. 

I had the scan on Saturday which was 34 +2 weeks by then. My previous private scan I was 31+2 just before getting covid. Baby was estimated to be around 3lb 12oz. They say babies should gain half a pound every week so 8oz. However the scan showed that baby was measuring at 32 weeks at only 4lb 4oz. So only grown 9oz in three weeks. The growth had dipped in my chart and dropped a persentile line. Which the worried us more. 

Photo: weeks of gestation at the bottom, then in the right is measuring in grams and the persentile lines. The X are where baby measured at what weeks. So can see our babies growth slowed as meant to continue up on the same line. Then at the bottom shows my bump measurements at what week.

What did this mean, had covid played a role where I was so ill and couldn't eat. Had baby slowly grown or stopped growing altogether. Even they could not be sure at this point therefore booked me a follow up growth scan for two weeks later at 36 weeks. As well as a doppler blood flow check at 35 weeks. 

That week waiting for the Doppler was hard however we kept busy buy sorting the garden and the house ready for baby and put baby shower that weekend. I will do a separate post for the baby shower. 

I then had the doppler scan the following Sunday. This is a scan done the same as any ultrasound however looks more at the blood flow from the placenta through the umbilical cord to baby. The scan showed the blood flow was good and baby was getting enough oxygen and nutrition. Which was reassuring, baby's heart rate was great and fetal movements have been fine. If not more stronger. Like limbs stretching out and pushing rather then little kicks. Now it was just waiting another week for my next growth scan which is scary. I am worried if he has not grown what does this mean. Was it covid or something else. Would this of happened even if I was not ill. Who knows, all we could do was keep busy by finishing cleaning the house and getting all babies stuff ready just in case. 

(Written at 35 weeks).