How Ariyah been with the pregnancy.
Ariyah was only 14 months when we feel pregnant, thus we were not sure she would understand at such a young age. However she would be 22 months by the time the baby was born. So almost 2 which gave us time to prepare her.
It is important to think about how a new baby and even the pregnancy can effect an older sibling, as it's their whole world changing to. They have been the centre of your world, getting full attention and time for their whole life. They do not know any difference. Yes the may have family members or other children around that they had to learn to share with, that being toys, food or the adults attention however that is only temporary. A new baby needs alot of attention and is constant. We believed that by preparing her, involving her and just talking to her about the whole pregnancy would help give her time to understand and process this change.
At the beginning of the pregnancy I was very tired and sick, she was still young so was not to much of an issue as she still had other daddy playing with her. As she got older and pregnancy progressed we would talk to her about how I did not feel well or was tired because the baby in my belly need to grow strong and was making me tired. But I still ensured I made lots of time for her when I did feel okay.
About 4 months in so 17/18 weeks maybe. Ben starting working part time, this was hard as those days I felt rough I struggled to play and give ariyah the attention she needed. I felt awful as sometimes I just had to let her watch TV or films. In some cases it was nice to cuddle and watch a film but other days I felt very bad when she wanted to play.
I think by this time she also started to notice the change in me, I started to get a bump and again the whole time we explain and talk to her about the baby growing in me. She was very cute and seemed to understand a bit. As she come over to me, lift my top and place her hands on my tummy. She would say baby, even giving my bump a kiss sometimes. She knew something, although people would say oh she young she won't understand, we believe she truly did.
Furthermore as the midwive came to our house for all my appointments it meant we were able to get ariyah even more involved. She would watch as the midwive did my blood pressure and we would reassure her that, I was all healthy and so was baby. The midwive would do the Doppler to listen to babies heartbeat which Ariyah loved. She would say boom boom and help the midwive hold the Doppler to find the baby. It was so cute.
Again as pregnancy progress we carried on involving her and talking to her. We would take her in baby's room as we sorted it out, letting her help and explaining, that it was the new babies room where they will sleep ect....
We also involved her in the little sex reveal we had by getting her to decorate a box for the ballons, then letting her open the box to reveal the coloured balloons. Then at the baby shower we made sure her little baby group friends were there, she helped decorate the garden. We had her toys and messy play out for the kids and it was very much about her as it was about us and the baby. It was so lovely too that our friends and family brought her presents as well as the baby and really involved her in it.
The main one was our private scan, as we were able to bring her in to see the 4D scan it was magical. She looked and pointed between my belly and the screen say baby over and over, like she was working it out that the baby in my belly was on the screen. It was very precious moment. It was so cute as the NHS hospital ones she was not allowed to come to due to covid. We would also show her scan photos and let her feel my belly when baby moved so she felt involved. Telling her the baby's name which we had picked out ages ago so that she again could practice saying it and feel she had that bond.
My pregnancy did get harder as I was exhausted all the time, out of breath and just it was hard moving around. I had SPD which is symphysis pubis dysfunction. This is where during pregnancy the pelvis cause stiffness, and pain. (See link in reference for more information). This made it hard for me to lift Ariyah as well as sit and play on the floor with her. The older she got the more vocal she became it was heartbreaking, because she say dada sit and play and I couldn't most days. I tried where I could and we would bring her table over to play on so I could sit on the sofa and still have that interaction and bind with Ariyah. But she did not completely understand that I could not sit and play on the floor. Then as Ben had to do most of this she would get upset asking for me, or other times became very attached of Ben. She just wanted him all the time, if he left the room or was busy she scream and cry. She was jealous and protective other him so we did try and break the separation anxiety when Ben was busy to reasurre her daddy was busy but she could play and he be back or that I could read to her or play on the sofa.
Some days where better then others and she understand, she was dada tired or sick, she would pull and help me up from the sofa or bring toys to me and play. Other days we had tears and meltdowns especially as the pregnancy progressed and I got bigger, less able to do things. But overall she been very good.
Ariyah is also very independent which made it alot easier, like she can climb up and down the stairs herself, She uses steps to reach the sink or get in and out the bath. She also can get on and off her dinning chair and move around general very independently even from the beginning of my pregnancy. She was also in a toddler bed so I was able to still help put her to sleep by sitting next to her bed and cuddling her, rather then holding her. She helped dress herself, as well as got in and out pram herself. This minimised me having to lift her, which really helped. Moreso towards the end as she got more clever and I got bigger.
Towards the end she did start to play up, push boundaries and have trantrums. I think we got the terrible two's early. Meanwhile this was good so we could put things in place to help her frustration and support her in understanding her emotional and behaviours before the baby arrives. She has seemed to calm down and while yes we still have toddler trantrums, throwing, climbing and getting things she knows she shouldn't or throwing herself on floor screaming and kicking if we say no/ she does not get her own way. But this is all normal part of growing up and learning write from wrong, knowing the boundaries and expressing themselves. Which is nothing that going to stop straight away we just can ride it out and help find ways to manage it.
Furthermore we believe a lot of it especially the last few weeks if because she senses the change. We been talking more about the baby, as well as her being a big sister. We also have been very busy sorting and cleaning the whole house so again ariyah has not had as much attention as we would normally be able to give her. We changed her and our rooms around as well as downstairs to make more room, which I think throw her off alittle. As the last week approaches we have been putting the babies toys, Moses basket and swing downstairs, as well as getting the crib in our room all set up. She points to them saying, for baby to sleep. Or aww babies. Showing us that she knows what is coming. She also recently been saying I'm baby and cuddling us. So we have made sure we have been giving her lots of attention, love and reassuring her she is and always will be our baby. That no matter how big and clever she is our baby to and we love her. Feeling her how proud we are of her when she helping around the house and how she is a big girl who so clever. This is all just to reasurre her and help her understand that although we may not be giving her attention or if we busy as well as when baby comes that we still her and that she is still loved just as much.
We believe this is so important to not only talk about the new baby and prepare an older child but to also give them the attention, time and love they need to feel secure emotionally too. To not only prepare them physically for what's to come, the change but that is it okay and that they are just as important and loved. This has definitely been a hug thing we have done other last few weeks as she really sense Change and struggles. We have made sure she has a stable routine that we are able to then fit the new baby into so that Ariyahs routine does not change to much, enable her to feel safe and know what to expect.
We have planned meals, activities and a routine for when baby arrives. Also making sure she here when we bring baby home and that we don't have visitors straight away in order to ensure ariyah is settled as well, to give her time to adapt. To have that 1:1 time with us as well as bond and ensure she has time to herself and with the baby. It's important she feels heard and wanted as well as understanding that the baby will need a lot of care and that I will need time to rest.without everyone bombarding in, giving the baby attention and she get ignored and feels left out.
Overall I truly know that Ariyah understand that I have a baby in my belly, that their will be a change and another little human to share her world with. That daddies will have to be busy sometimes but will still love and play with her. I feel she understands so much more then we realise and underestimate children's understanding of the world and change that happens around them. However also that she does understand so much because we have ensure that we are including her in the journey. Giving her the skills to adapt and manage these huge feelings she also is experiencing, with this huge life changing thing. We reasurre and prepared her, which is all we can do as parents for our little humans. I will update of course how she copes and manages once the baby is physically here. So watch out for another Update on other sibling reacting to a new baby.
(Written at 38 weeks).
Reference:
https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/pregnancy-complications/pelvic-pain-pregnancy
https://www.pampers.co.uk/pregnancy/pregnancy-symptoms/article/symphysis-pubis-dysfunction
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